Taking my eyes off the prize...

Well, I've already failed to do this everyday. It's hard to be disciplined, isn't it? I recently came to the realization that I need to change some things about the way I've been operating. I went away for a week to Nashville for the CIM conference (mentioned in previous blog) then stayed in Tennessee for another few days to hike in the Smokies. I got to Nashville and after a couple days realized how absolutely tired I had become. When I began serving in my current setting I just hit the ground running and all of a sudden realized about a month ago that I was running on empty in lots of ways. Ever have that happen to you? (And yes, I've been warned lots about this as a pastor, but it sort of snuck up on me.)

Part of this emptiness in my soul was due to some conflict at my church. I began to wonder if I really am called to serve God in this way, if my skin is thick enough and shoulders broad enough to actually make it for the next 30+ years of ministry. I got so caught up in trying to make everyone happy that I put myself in a crazy place in people's lives. What is the role of a pastor in people's lives when they are really needing help and are hurting? I've always believed that my job is to love first and do my best to network people with the places that can get them on their feet. Sometimes however, this is not what people really want, is it? Sometimes people are just dying for the quick fix...and if you're like me, your church doesn't always move that quickly, especially when they are coming off the backside of a really rough time in the history of their congregation.

My church is one of those "works in progress" and often I feel overwhelmed at the task of being the one called to lead us forward into the future. I have a ton to learn, both in life experience and in church experience. I'm still pretty green around the gills, that's for sure. But today, on a wonderful rainy Michigan Thanksgiving, I realize that it's not about me. It's not about the folks that want the church their way (or the highway). It's about God working in the midst of us. It's about me having enough grace and love for everyone that if they need to find a new church home I send them off with nothing but love and encouragement in my heart, knowing that they will be a blessing to another Body of Christ in the community. I want to be like that, Dear Lord, I want to be like that...truly humble, loving and compassionate. God is in charge, and that gives me a lot of courage, relief, and a good sense of humor about how crazy we humans can get over some pretty small things.

What is my call? For now it is to the pulpit, to preach Spirit-filled sermons. It is to the classroom where I have the blessed opportunity to teach (and learn) folks who are truly seeking a closer relationship with Christ and a deeper understanding of the Bible. It is to the youth group, where I get to have fun being a kid, teaching amazing young people, and am honored and blessed to watch as they share God's love with the people around them. It is to the many other hats that we pastors wear, from visiting, leading worship, doing funerals and weddings, offering ourselves to be in some of the toughest situations life can throw at us, and doing it grounded in the fact that God goes with us, before us, and sometimes gives us that kick in the backside that we've needed for a while.

I will always keep myself aware of God's call and the fact that it might lead me somewhere new and into something much different from where I am now. In doing that, I am truly filled with thanks for a God who I can call friend, Father, Mother, Sovereign, Good, Creator.

Thank you God for friends, family, life....and your call. I love you.