The Transition

Whew, we've made it through Advent and are racing onto perfection, and the year 2010. This week always seems to put me in a funk, how about you? It's sort of a week of recovery from all things Christmas. For me it is always the week of tight jeans (from eating too many sweet things) and tying up loose ends, while trying to get excited about what is to come. In the end I find myself sitting here at 4pm wanting nothing more than a snuggly nap, which isn't going to happen!

I have asked my church what it means for this year to draw to a close. This has been a really hectic year for me personally, as my mom decided to separate from my dad in April. Christmas was wonderful because we were all together, but it was strange because we were in a new and different place trying to make sense of this new and different family dynamic. Sometimes dysfunction can become pretty comfortable and safe, can't it?

Our church is embarking on a new journey starting next Sunday. We will watch the movie 'Fireproof' and then every Sunday evening have a time of discussion about relationships, both married and single people are encouraged to take part. I have been studying this movie and preparing for this experience and the more I read, the more I realize that though relationships are unbelievably complex, sharing love and caring for someone is really pretty simple. The Fireproof series challenges us to do things that we teach children to do, such as keeping quiet unless we have something nice to say, doing something nice (and out of the blue) for someone we love, offering to help with no hidden agenda, etc.

I have a really good friend who is a counselor and we were talking yesterday about the human condition. No matter who we are, how perfect our family, how much money we have - we can easily find ourselves in a messy situation emotionally, relationally, and often physically. One wrong word spoken in anger, one step outside a marital relationship, one barrier placed around your heart, and your entire life can change. It has been this way since Adam and Eve were in the garden and that snake came and tempted them to eat of the forbidden fruit. Because of sin, no matter who we are, from where we've come, or where we are going, we are all in need of God in our lives.

Sometimes I get frustrated at my lack of ability in certain areas. Often I find myself second-guessing myself and others. In the midst of all of this I am called upon to be a guide for others, someone who challenges them to grow closer and gain in knowledge of God. Sometimes I wonder who in their right mind would sign up for this gig....(that's when I realize I'm left handed and it all makes sense!!! ha ha).

I take great relief in knowing that we are all on this journey together. What has this year meant? Did you make all 360-some days count? How will we make 2010 a year full of growth? My prayer as I think back and forward is that God has led and will continue to lead, that I will hear God's voice louder than my own, and that I will cherish the people around me and not be afraid to challenge myself, my church, and others to reach out and grab Jesus' cloak.

What does this new year mean to you?

Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow...

Well, yet again I haven't been keeping up with this blog very well. I wonder why it is so hard for me to find the time to keep up? I might need a time-management class, or maybe having internet at my house would be helpful. Or maybe I'm moving too fast. Do you ever do that?

No matter how hard I try, even in cutting out some of the things that have been taking up tons of brain time, I seem to always have more on the "to-do" list. And, when I'm not "doing" I often feel bad about it, which might make me even crazier.

I often preach that message, "Faith is not about doing, it is about being." Faith isn't about performance, getting things done, evangelizing fiercely...it is about knowing you are loved even when you perform terribly. I liken it to my first experiences playing the piano in church. Having your mom as the church organist basically means that you have lots of opportunity to play in worship. It's great until you actually sit down on that bench, your hands get all sweaty, and as you look at the sheet music you realize that something has taken over your brain and you can't remember how to play this instrument after all. But, no matter how terrible my offertory was, no matter how many notes I missed during the hymns, the folks would hug on me after church like they'd never heard anything so beautiful in their entire lives! (You know those kind of folks, don't you....I love those folks.)

It's these unconditional love people that change our lives and teach us about who we are and how we want to live our lives. I want to be a person like that, don't you? Most of the time loving others comes pretty easily to me, and often I find myself wanting to care for folks I don't even really know. I wonder then, why it is so difficult for me to realize that God's expectations of me aren't really based on what I accomplish as a pastor, or daughter, or friend...but that I just need to focus on God's presence and leading and trust in faith that what God wants most for me is to just be present in relationship.

We have had two snow days now, we have tons of snow. It's really beautiful outside and I love it! Not having so much to do for the past couple days has given me the opportunity to reflect on the joys of being a pastor (praying with folks, fielding phone calls, having sacred conversations with people who are hurting, attending youth band concerts, wrestling matches, basketball games, and sometimes I even remember that it's ok for me to just take some time to spend with God...in the quiet).

On this snow day (though it might be 80 degrees where you live) I hope you will find a place of rest and time to just be with God. Who knows what God has in store for you!

Taking my eyes off the prize...

Well, I've already failed to do this everyday. It's hard to be disciplined, isn't it? I recently came to the realization that I need to change some things about the way I've been operating. I went away for a week to Nashville for the CIM conference (mentioned in previous blog) then stayed in Tennessee for another few days to hike in the Smokies. I got to Nashville and after a couple days realized how absolutely tired I had become. When I began serving in my current setting I just hit the ground running and all of a sudden realized about a month ago that I was running on empty in lots of ways. Ever have that happen to you? (And yes, I've been warned lots about this as a pastor, but it sort of snuck up on me.)

Part of this emptiness in my soul was due to some conflict at my church. I began to wonder if I really am called to serve God in this way, if my skin is thick enough and shoulders broad enough to actually make it for the next 30+ years of ministry. I got so caught up in trying to make everyone happy that I put myself in a crazy place in people's lives. What is the role of a pastor in people's lives when they are really needing help and are hurting? I've always believed that my job is to love first and do my best to network people with the places that can get them on their feet. Sometimes however, this is not what people really want, is it? Sometimes people are just dying for the quick fix...and if you're like me, your church doesn't always move that quickly, especially when they are coming off the backside of a really rough time in the history of their congregation.

My church is one of those "works in progress" and often I feel overwhelmed at the task of being the one called to lead us forward into the future. I have a ton to learn, both in life experience and in church experience. I'm still pretty green around the gills, that's for sure. But today, on a wonderful rainy Michigan Thanksgiving, I realize that it's not about me. It's not about the folks that want the church their way (or the highway). It's about God working in the midst of us. It's about me having enough grace and love for everyone that if they need to find a new church home I send them off with nothing but love and encouragement in my heart, knowing that they will be a blessing to another Body of Christ in the community. I want to be like that, Dear Lord, I want to be like that...truly humble, loving and compassionate. God is in charge, and that gives me a lot of courage, relief, and a good sense of humor about how crazy we humans can get over some pretty small things.

What is my call? For now it is to the pulpit, to preach Spirit-filled sermons. It is to the classroom where I have the blessed opportunity to teach (and learn) folks who are truly seeking a closer relationship with Christ and a deeper understanding of the Bible. It is to the youth group, where I get to have fun being a kid, teaching amazing young people, and am honored and blessed to watch as they share God's love with the people around them. It is to the many other hats that we pastors wear, from visiting, leading worship, doing funerals and weddings, offering ourselves to be in some of the toughest situations life can throw at us, and doing it grounded in the fact that God goes with us, before us, and sometimes gives us that kick in the backside that we've needed for a while.

I will always keep myself aware of God's call and the fact that it might lead me somewhere new and into something much different from where I am now. In doing that, I am truly filled with thanks for a God who I can call friend, Father, Mother, Sovereign, Good, Creator.

Thank you God for friends, family, life....and your call. I love you.

Feeling Like an Ant

"Lord of all creation of water earth and sky,

The heavens are your Tabernacle

Glory to the Lord on high

God of wonders beyond our galaxy

You are Holy, Holy

The universe declares your Majesty

You are holy holy

Lord of Heaven and Earth

Lord of Heaven and Earth

Early in the morning,

I will celebrate the light.

When i stumble in the darkness,

I will call your name by night!

Precious lord reveal your love to me...."

Third Day, God of Wonders

Today I have the holy calling of interviewing candidates for ministry. As I sit among this group of talented and wise colleagues (both lay folks and clergy), I often find myself wondering how I ended up in this circle. How can I evaluate others when I am still working out my own calling? Then as we discuss and share, even around the breakfast table, it is made clear over and over again that all of us are on this holy journey with God. We are all in process, and works in process, aren't we? How can we claim and hold onto our own belovedness as we move forward (often with trepidation) in Christ.

I have been struggling recently with this calling, and in this struggle have been sorting out the facts. The facts of my call are clear: I love people, I am in love with Christ, God has given me an ability to preach that blows my mind. Sometimes my humanity gets in the way, does yours? My feelings get hurt, my competitive side gets a little too bold, my expectations of self and others are set too high.

Yet...all of this swirls together as the living Kingdom of God in the here and now. I am on a journey to search for God's image in others, in the world, and in myself. God certainly is a God of wonders...isn't she? :-)

Anointed or Annoying?

Hi All!
So today we had an amazing worship service. I was expecting a low attendance day with hunting season beginning and all. Much to my surprise (and delight) the Spirit showed up in full today. I was preaching on James 5, one of my faves and talking about how important it is for us to be truly grounded in prayer. (I'm sure you've all heard that sermon a million times). For the children's sermon I talked with the little people about what anointing is all about and had them anoint one another's hands with oil. They seemed to get the whole thing and thought it was pretty cool. One kid even said..."I've never been anointed before, but I've been annoying..) Gotta love those kiddos.

Well, just for your laughing pleasure I thought I would share one of those pastor moments when you wish you could just erase the last thing you said. I was trying to explain to the congregation the power of being anointed. I have not had a ton of experience with this, but do believe strongly in the power of prayer and God's presence during these sacred moments. Sounds good, right?

I started to explain that for some folks the idea of being anointed and prayed over can be pretty scary, especially when they have not experienced before or aren't sure what is happening. This is when it happened...the dumbest thing came out of my mouth! "Being anointed isn't like some holy rub-down...it's about being touched by God and prayed for, that God would hear and respond to your deepest longings." Hmmm...probably made some sort of record by talking about being rubbed on in church, don't you think?
Now I am kind of considering getting my massage therapy degree...maybe being a pastor and masseuse would be a great combo? Think of the money I could make for the church!

The good news is that we had lots of folks come up for anointing, I had the blessed opportunity to pray with each of them, and then we ended the service by singing this awesome song called, "Revival."

Thank you Spirit, for a wonderful eye-opening day. This pastor really needed it!

11.12 - Beginning the Journey

"Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters;

and you who have no money, come, buy and eat!

Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost.

Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy?

Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fair.

Give ear and come to me; hear me, that your soul may live. "

Psalm 55: 1-3

I just got back from participating in a wonderful learning experience called "Companions in Ministry." The basic premise for this event is that pastors (and probably all professionals) work so hard to be self-sufficient and accomplish things on our own that we fail to embrace our deep need for true community. Anam Cara is Gaelic for "soul friend," the name you might give to your spouse, your best friend, or the people who help you to feel the most "at home" in your own skin.

The world challenges us to do things on our own, worry most about meeting our own immediate needs, and at all costs to do whatever it takes to keep ourselves safe and ensure success. Recently in my own reflection on this experience I have come to see this cultural norm in serious opposition with Christ's example in the Gospels. Jesus created space for anam cara, relying on disciples, women and men to encourage, support, and sustain his often challenging ministry.

I love this Scripture because it talks about our relationship with God as life-giving. Spending time in the Word, in prayer, or developing these anam cara relationships give us life. Helping one another gives us life. Listening and being present with one another gives us life. I've come to wonder why I spend so much time focusing on the things that destroy the life of my soul, rather than those that give me life?

This blog is going to be my own source of accountability. It will prove to be a source of life, a source of connection with God, and hopefully a source of true anam cara connection with those of you who come a long on this journey.

God's blessings and peace as we search for life!